Starting this Friday, I will be on my 3rd medicated cycle. December 2014 was my first medicated cycle in the books. The fertility drug I have been put on is called Clomid, which is a very common drug to be put on in circumstances such as ours. WebMD states that, Clomid “is used to treat infertility in women. It works by stimulating an increase in the amount of hormones that support the growth and release of a mature egg (ovulation). This medication is not recommended for women whose ovaries no longer make eggs properly (primary pituitary or ovarian failure).” To read more about Clomid please refer to this link:
In December, I was put on 50mg of Clomid (days 3-7), was told to have intercourse every other day, and do OPK’s (ovulation predictor kids) at home (starting on day 10) and call with a positive as the IUI would be scheduled for the day after. We did end up with a positive at home OPK on day 12 and our IUI was scheduled for the next day. After a blood draw (day 21) to check on my progesterone levels, it was proven I had a successful ovulation. With the progesterone test, anything over a 3 means you ovulated. I was at an 11, but because it was a medicated cycle they wanted to see that number at 15 or higher. So, I was put on progesterone suppositories to help support and increase those levels (without higher levels of progeserone you can not support a healthy pregnancy). Our first IUI unfortunately failed. To learn more about an IUI please refer to the following link:
In January, I was also put on 50 mg of Clomid (days 4-8), but was told to stop the progesterone suppositories until further instructions were given to take them. I had a mid cycle ultrasound that showed I had 2 large sized follicles on my left ovary, but if I did not ovulate within a couple days of my ultrasound, that also meant that those follicles could have been masking a cyst on my left ovary. Starting on Day 10 of my cycle I started my at home OPK testing, but was not receiving a positive. If by day 21 I did not see a positive OPK, then it indicates that I probably would not ovulate. This indeed was my case, with this cycle. This also indicated then, that it was likely I did have a cyst on my left ovary when I had my mid cycle ultrasound which was the culprit as to why I did not ovulate. Unfortunately, one of the side effects of being on Clomid is ovarian cysts. However, I was prone to functional ovarian cysts before I was on Clomid. So, we do not know if it was a flare up, or if it was a side effect. Our IUI #2 was then cancelled for January.
Here we are onto my 3rd medicated cycle. Although, I will not start until tomorrow, my instructions were to start 100 mg of Clomid (days 3-7) this month (they upped my dose this month due to not ovulating on 50 mg last cycle), have timed intercourse every other day, but stop once I get a positive OPK. We will skip doing a mid cycle ultrasound, but continue doing the OPK tests at home starting on day 10. Once I get a positive, I call and our IUI would be scheduled for next day. Unless, by chance I did not ovulate again this cycle then the IUI would be cancelled again. Here we are in limbo again and this vicious cycle starts all over again. I don’t know if I am ready for the emotions to come, yet you’d think I would be used to them by now. Sadly, it’s just something you never get used to.
We are only allowed by our doctor to do 3 back to back medicated (Clomid) cycles with IUI. Then we take a month break and our doctor will evaluate our treatment plan once again, and proceed on if we so choose with other options. We were told though, if Clomid + IUI doesn’t work after the 3rd time that they would like to go strait into doing the HCG Injectibles along with clomid and monitoring along with IUI. We shall see if that is what we end up having to do, but the thought of giving myself a shot terrifies me. However, I am more then willing to move past the idea of giving myself a shot and doing it if that means exhausting another option.
I continue to trudge on through our struggle daily, with the help and support of my husband. Everyday is hard, but not every second is miserable. There is so much good in my everyday and so many things I am thankful for. I just wish so badly that we could add to that joy. My heart aches to be pregnant and to have another baby. There are times I am scared. There are times I am angry. There are times I am frustrated. There are times I am sad. There are times where I am confused. There are times when I question. There are times when I just want to scream. There are times when break down. However, there has never been a time where I want to give up. God just isn’t done with us yet, and I trust in his perfect timing everything will work out. Sometimes, not being able to see the bigger picture and not knowing the outcome can just be hard. You sit and wonder what direction to go and just don’t know. No one can truly ever tell us what to do with this, but only guess and we have to choose what path to go down. I continue to pray for answers, and I continue to pray for strength and hope that we are shown what we need to do next.
As I continue to wait on my 2nd miracle and try and stay strong I must remind myself of this quote by Lessons Learned in Life, “I’ve seen better days, but I’ve also seen worse. I don’t have everything I want, but I have everything I need. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. My life may not be perfect, but I am blessed.”
I pray the 3rd times a charm.