TWW…My Worst Enemy.

I hate the two week wait or as many infertility goers call it the dreaded TWW or 2WW.  This time frame is literally my worst enemy.  It’s the time in the month where my anxiety rolls to a new peak and probably off the charts, I have hope every time, but don’t want to get my hopes too high,  my mind plays terrible tricks on me, and every single bodily symptoms reminds me that, that could possibly be a pregnancy symptom.  The TWW is typically the time frame past ovulation and/or between an ended cycle of treatment (like having an IUI) and when you can take a pregnancy test.  It honestly feels like an eternity.

Can you believe I’ve been going through this vicious cycle now for 18 months?  I surely can’t.  It’s been a trip, and not a good one–the worst roller-coaster ride I have ever been on.  I don’t want to sound like a negative Nelly, but I am really starting to wonder if baby #2 is ever going to happen for us.  I am trying so hard to keep my faith and stay positive but I am human and I am struggling.  It’s really hard when things don’t go as planned but as one of my favorite quotes says, “It’s the possibility that keeps me going, not the guarantee.”-Author Unknown

So how do I cope with the TWW?  Let me tell you, this is not an easy question to answer and I have yet to master coping during the TWW.  There are days where I feel like I am simply not coping at all as my anxiety, fear, over analyzing and hope get the best of me.  I break down and want to take a pregnancy test but then I don’t want to see the dreaded negative on the home pregnancy test (HPT) and deal with the emotions that come with it.  I avoid it then, and try to press on with my day.  I recently have taken up a new hobby and have been teaching myself to crotchet.  I find this to be very relaxing and keeps me busy and my mind goes to a quiet place while I am doing it.  This is one way I am coping.  I decided to start this blog and it has been very therapeutic for me to get my feelings, thoughts, opinions, and story out there.  This is another way I am coping.  I exercise while listening to my favorite music.  This tends to be a huge stress reliever for me and I always feel better after sweating it out and getting my heartbeat up and listening to music that speaks to my soul.  Something else I do to cope.  I spend quality time with my beautiful daughter.  She never fails to put a smile on my face and puts me in a good mood.  She is a reminder to me that God does work miracles and there is hope.  I spend time with family, friends and neighbors.  I bake or cook.  I clean-oh, boy do I clean during the TWW!  Now, these are just a few of the things I do, but like any day there are triggers for me that set me in a funk and this topic weighs heavily on my heart and mind.  Sometimes no matter what I do to try to distract myself, thoughts of babies creep in and take over.  I think it’s just something that is unavoidable when my heart wants something so badly.  I think of it 24/7 and I dream of it too.  I am slowly learning, however, to find a healthy balance between the obsessive thoughts I have and all the things I do to cope.  I find that it’s OK to think about having a baby or wanting a baby or even think about all I am going through, but you still have to find positive things to keep you going.  So, like any hardship…someway, somehow I just keep on keeping on. Easy or hard, this is my life and I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  I can’t give up completely as I have so much to be thankful for, namely my amazing husband and wonderful daughter.  They need me!  This surely is also testing my strength and I am learning I am one strong cookie!  I am able to deal with a lot and mostly in a positive and healthy way, but again, I am human and have my moments.  The fact that I have made it this far, and slightly optimistic is something I can be proud of as it hasn’t been a cake walk.

I wanted to provide also a few good articles about the TWW.  Feel free to click the links below and learn more about coping with or trying to survive the dreaded TWW.  Remember, you may feel alone–but  you are not.  There are so many other women and couples going through this very thing.  There are many support groups that are helpful too.

http://www.parenting.com/fertility/infertility/how-to-survive-dreaded-two-week-wait-pregnancy-test

http://www.shadygrovefertility.com/newsletter/getting-through-two-week-wait

http://www.iaac.ca/en/610-471-a-thimble-of-hope-surviving-the-dreaded-two-week-wait-by-judith-daniluk-ph-d-and-emily-koert-m-a-summer-2011

http://infertility.about.com/od/copingwithinfertility/a/two_week_wait.htm

http://www.theinfertilityvoice.com/2013/05/tips-for-surviving-the-two-week-wait/

I am praying for a speedy TWW, peace of mind and continued strength for myself and all of you going through your TWW.  Hang in there!  It’s not easy by any means!

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