Yesterday was our last attempt at getting pregnant through IUI before we take a medical break. As you can imagine, I have mixed feelings about this because if this doesn’t work then I just feel like a “break” will be more time wasted. I don’t feel like it will be much of a break because I am still going to feel the same way that I feel now and I will still be consumed with thoughts that pertain to this. You can’t just turn these feelings off easily. It also has put quite the dent in our savings and the way we are able to live our lives. We literally are living pay check to pay check due to the expenses of infertility and one big reason we need to take a break is because we have no money to continue. It makes me sad that money is the biggest reason we have to stop, and could be the potential factor holding us back from expanding our family. On the other hand, it will be nice to get a break from all the crazy hormones I am on, not have our lives dictated by appointments and schedules pertaining to this. It will be nice to not have to do shots and also it will be nice to not have to get poked and prodded for a while. My body is tired. My mind is tired. I am simply exhausted. I’m trying to stay so upbeat and in good spirits but it’s simply draining. A person can only handle so much…it’s hard. Now, don’t confuse our break with us giving up. We want this too badly to give up.
We are not giving up, but I am also not sure how long we will take this break for. I am thinking we may take a break for the entire summer if this cycle fails. This seems like an eternity to me, but honestly we don’t really have a choice financially. I can only hope and pray that we don’t have to make that decision and that we can just be blessed with a miracle this cycle. I am turning 31 in May and honestly this would be by far the best birthday present. It’s the only thing I want.
Now, you are probably wondering about the procedure yesterday. I was incredibly nervous yesterday as the last IUI I had before this was pretty painful and the aftermath was awful. I had someone new doing my procedure yesterday and she read the notes in my chart beforehand how awful it was for me. So, she told me she would attempt once and if she had issues then she would call in the pros. Well, needless to say, she tried once and had issues so she called in a pro. The pro was amazing and did what needed to be done without the use of a tenaculum. A tenaculum, for those of you who do not know what this is, is used to steady the cervix and uterus during insertion of an intrauterine device. My cervix last time instead of facing forward, was facing to the left and this time was facing to the right so they need to use the tenaculum to move the cervix in a desirable way so that inserting the catheter works. Basically, it feels like a severe internal pinch with lots of pressure and is very uncomfortable and in my case painful when they have to use it. I was incredibly grateful that this was not needed yesterday and I was quite impressed that it wasn’t as it’s been so difficult for everyone else. This made the entire procedure run smoothly and quickly. There was absolutely no cramping and no bleeding after the procedure which was a complete shock since I’ve had horrible bleeding and awful cramping after the last three procedures. We are also blessed that my husband’s numbers were amazing and the best they have been yet for a procedure. This gives us much hope. However, like always…not getting my hopes too high.
…and again, we wait. Prayers are very much appreciated during this wait. We are hoping for the best considering this will be our last attempt for a while.