I hope everyone had a happy Easter. Although I was not able to spend the holiday with my side of the family at all, I was fortunate to spend it with my husband’s side of the family. It was filled with fun, laughter, quality time, pizza parties and a Badger Win, Easter egg hunts, egg dying, movie watching, play, and good food! E had so much fun seeing her cousins, 2 aunts, uncle and her grandparents along with her great grandmas!
We also attended the Saturday worship service at the Alliance Church and it was by far one of the most powerful Easter services I have ever been too. I literally had goosebumps! E is asking more and more questions about Jesus and we try to incorporate our beliefs and teach her things about our faith as much as we possibly can, and this includes praying with her daily (what better time to do this then during our Easter holiday). Faith is such an important thing to have and really it is important to have at any age. Without it, this secondary infertility struggle in our lives would feel even harder then it is. It’s fun seeing things that we have taught E about our faith and see her incorporate them later on. It melts my heart when she tells me she knows that Jesus loves her and when she asks to say a prayer. I don’t even know if she knows exactly what the word hope means but she has said to me before, “Mama just have hope in your heart”. It is instances like that that make me happy because I know she is indeed listening, even when we feel she isn’t. This is a great reminder to me every time this happens that even if we think God isn’t present or listening to our prayers that he really is. It makes me think of this quote: “When you are going through difficulty and wonder where God is, REMEMBER that the teacher is always quiet during the test.”.
Speaking of E, she caught me quite by surprise this morning during an outburst at the Family Christian Store. This was not the good kind of surprise either and literally felt like a parent fail on our part. We try so hard to teach her right from wrong, but lets face it she’s almost 3 and 3 year olds are not always angels. E is definitely not an angel 100% of the time. You’ll see, she proved this today.
We decided to stop into the store as we were in search of a gift. There are no shopping carts in the store and since one side is kid friendly and the other isn’t, my only option is to hold her hand as we wander over to the adult side or carry her while we are walking through (I just don’t want her touching or breaking anything). E is not a hand holder unless it is her choice to do so. Getting her to hold our hands while out in public is a tantrum waiting to happen in most instances. However, picking her up usually results in a screaming and hitting match. So really, I was in a lose-lose situation. I ultimately decided to pick her up and carry her while browsing through the breakable section.
As suspected she started yelling, “Put me down Mama” and was screaming and hitting me in my face. So, I put her down and told her I would put her down, but she needed to hold my hand. She then said rather loudly, “No, Mama I’m fine. I don’t want to hold your hand.” I told her her choices were to hold my hand or she was going to be carried until I was done and to please be quiet and use her whisper voice while we were shopping. She didn’t like either choice of course and her response was (again, very loudly), “You be quiet stupid”. Oh. My. Goodness. I was mortified. Not only were we in the middle of a CHRISTIAN store but we were the only ones there and being given a shameful look by the lady at the counter who had heard what E said to me loud and clear.
I then got down to E’s level and said, “You do not talk to Mama like that. That is a very naughty word to use and it hurt my feelings. Saying that word is not okay, do you understand me?” E’s response, “Yes, but you’re still stupid Mama”. At that moment, I grabbed her hand and we walked out of the store. The entire way home we had a very nice chat about it and although I haven’t heard her say the S word again since we’ve gotten home…I fear it will happen again. It honestly broke my heart to hear her say that.
Obviously, she heard this phrase used somewhere recently-my husband and I most certainly do not say this to each other. She has always been quick to pick up on things that’s for sure. In that moment, I realized as much as we try and safe guard our children from crummy things in this world, we can never shelter them from it fully. She’s been exposed to this term. There is nothing I can do about that now. So we use this as one of those teachable moments. It’s my hope that as quickly as she learned this word and how to use this word that she learns it’s not a good term to use just as quickly. I can only hope this does not happen again and she learns to make better choices. If it does happen again, I need to start thinking of a learning lesson that will keep her from wanting to say it ever again…a.k.a punishment! Next time I will be more prepared.
This was the first time I’ve really been embarrassed in a shameful way with anything E has said in public. Quite honestly I felt like I was being judged for my parenting skills by the lady at the store-her stares said it all. YIKES! This “story” will be written in E’s journal that I keep for her…one day we’ll look back and get a laugh out of it-MAYBE! It also is a good reminder that no matter how strong you are in your faith or how good of a Christian you try to be-we all make mistakes and Jesus loves us anyways. Even though E was in the wrong, I want her to know her mistakes, learn and grow from them, feel in her heart she made a mistake and is sincerely sorry, but know she is loved and we are here for her no matter what. This is one of the many things I want her to grow up knowing as her parent! …and boy do I love her no matter what!
E & I Easter morning. My sweet and Sassy
baby big girl!