I know it’s been a while since I last updated but I wanted to tell you that the “complete funk” I was in during my last post has lifted some. Of course it’s still in the very back of my mind and I have triggers daily but I have had other things that have taken center stage for a while. Honestly, I am relieved and I am incredibly thankful for distractions and things that have been keeping me and my mind busy. Life has been just that since my last post: Busy & preoccupied! The “break” from thinking about this 24/7 has been the best medicine.
First and foremost I hope you all had a Happy Memorial Day with your family and friends. While you were enjoying time with them, I hope you took the time to remember what the day was actually reserved for: those who served, those who sacrificed, those left behind, and the ones who carry on. Freedom isn’t free and I am so incredibly thankful to those men and women who sacrificed their lives so my family and friends could live in the best country around! These individuals are gone and not forgotten and will forever live and carry on in our hearts. On this day, we remember and honor you: the true hero’s.
As I took time yesterday to reflect on these men and women and just really take a look around, I was reminded once again of how truly blessed I am. I was sitting in our garage watching my husband, dog and daughter outside playing. It was a beautiful evening outside on Memorial Day-the sun was shining, the clouds were big and fluffy, the birds were singing, and there was a slight wind with the laughter of my family. My husband was enjoying playing chuck-it with our dog and both my husband and dog were just content and appeared happy. My daughter had put on her gardening gloves and was dancing, twirling and singing to her hearts content, “Let it Go” and pretending to be Elsa from the movie, Frozen. What a character E is and she is still so full of innocence. She truly is one happy girl. If i could figure out how to post the video I took of her I would! It was a moment I would have froze in time if I could. Sitting there watching my family, my life, just taking in the moment just brought me so much peace and overwhelmed me with an intense amount of joy. In that moment I wasn’t thinking of infertility I was simply living in the now and enjoying every aspect of it. I was just so incredibly thankful for those seconds I was in. Blessed, happy & healthy. My family and I are these things and if it were not for the men and women who put their life on the line-I would not be any of those things. I am just so incredibly thankful, words can not express my gratitude.
We all know the old saying, “take time to stop and smell the roses”. I really did this yesterday. I wasn’t thinking about my stressors-the woulda, coulda or shoulda’s. Instead I was enjoying all of the wonderful things I do have and what a beautiful place I live in and how amazing the fresh air and sunshine is and how amazing my beautiful little family is. I wish I took more time to do this because it really brought me a sense of peace. When you really take the time to see all you do have-it puts things into perspective and you realize how beautiful and precious this life only get to live once, truly is!
Secondly, I would like to give a BIG congratulations to my sister and new brother in law on their marriage Friday. This was the big event that kept me very busy and highly distracted from the funk I was in earlier. Congrats you guys and we officially welcome you to the family Mark! They truly had a beautiful day and everything came together wonderfully. I was so happy to be apart of their special day and stand up as a matron of honor alongside my older sister as matron of honor on their big day. It made me reflect on my own wedding and how far we’ve come since we said our “I Do’s”. Time sure flies by. Cherish it!
We also had my parents and nephew stay with us. My parents were here on Wednesday and left on Sunday and my Nephew stayed Friday-Sunday. I loved having them here not only because it’s great to spend time with them but also it was nice to stay preoccupied with a different mind set for that amount of time. I will miss them. Lucky for us we get to see my parents in a couple weeks and continue on with more distractions. My husband is standing up in his friends wedding and E will be staying with her grandparents for a couple days! This also means my husband and I will get 2 days of just him and I-something that doesn’t happen often. As much as we love our little, we also know how important having time together just he and I for our relationship!
With all these distractions, comes facing the quiet of my own own thoughts again. As Sunday/Monday rolled around I found myself heading back in the direction of “baby” thoughts. CRAP! I just really didn’t want to sulk or go there at the moment as the last 5 days I had been doing so well and in my “happy” place! The feelings and thoughts haven’t been as strong as when I was in my funk with my last post, but I have been trying to redirect my own thoughts so that it doesn’t get to that point. It’s not easy finding calm within myself, but I have got to stay in this place of peace.