So Bummed…

Well, as promised I said I would update on any changes, so here you are:

I had received my paperwork for our RE appointment in July and I had noticed that in the letter with the attached paper work, there in BIG BOLD PRINT it stated that $466 was due at the time of service.  This created a big pit in my stomach, as I knew that we could not afford to do an upfront payment in July for that sum.

Unfortunately, due to all the past medical expenses that SI has created for us we are really tapped out right now and literally are living pay-check to pay check. Insurance has not covered a dime for any SI expense.  This has created a new stress for my husband and I as we are both good with money, budget and haven’t felt the financial strain as much as we are now.  We are both scared that we won’t make it through the year, which also adds more stress on myself because I really need to find a PT Job or possibly FT job if the right opportunity presents itself.  This creates a battle with my head and my heart because I am absolutely, 100% not ready to give up my time staying home with E.  I’m just not.

Anyways, back to the same day down payment ordeal.  I ended up calling the RE’s office and asked if there was anyway that I could be billed later for that fee and then possibly set up a payment plan for any accrued expenses at this new clinic. The person said that because my insurance does not cover any part of SI that, unfortunately, they needed that payment at time of service or we could not be seen that day.  If, however, our insurance would pick up a part of that fee then they are able to bill us at a later day.  Again, our insurance doesn’t cover it so it was expected same day.  How screwed up is that?  Needless to say, and with an extremely sad heart, I told the receptionist that I needed to cancel my appointment.

Guys, I just feel even more defeated.  We just can’t seem to win at any corner and every corner proves to have a new hurdle to jump over.  Months and months of this endless stress and weight on our shoulders is really just getting to be too much for the both of us.  When you see your husband crying when the stress gets to be too much is enough to break anyone’s heart.   After a long talk with my  husband and lots of tears later, we decided as much as we were looking forward to this appointment, we just can’t keep digging ourselves in a financial hole.  We need to start digging ourselves out of this hole.  At this point, if we can’t even pay for a consultation fee-how could we afford IVF?  Plain and simple, we can’t.

I know if I don’t try exhausting all of our options, however, I am going to live with an enormous amount of regret and a heartache that goes to infinity.  We are not ready to give up on our dreams…but we are sadly realizing, we only have the means to do so much and still be able to live our lives now.  It’s a hard pill to swallow.  At this point, we are just not left with many options.  It’s so sad.  I’m so sad.  We are so sad.  Our hearts are left feeling even more heavy at this point and we really need to figure out a way to just move on from this…I personally just don’t know how we can when we want this so badly.


On another MUCH, MUCH, MUCH more positive note:

It was E’s 3rd birthday on the 27th!  We had a wonderful day spent at The New Zoo where we saw lots of animals, went on a couple rides, fed animals,  had a picnic and most important spent quality time together as a family while making cherished memories.  We then came home and E had fun playing outside and splashing in her little pool with her neighbor friends.  Her grandparents came over for dinner, cake/ice cream and gift opening later in the day.  We ended the evening by watching Frozen and falling asleep!  It was a busy, fun filled day for sure!  She was one happy girl and I couldn’t have asked for a better day with my family.  I really can’t believe how fast these last 3 years have went…but they have been by far the best 3 years of my life, some just a little more challenging then others!  I am so thankful that God made me E’s mommy and blessed me with such an amazing little girl. I am also thankful for my husband who I get to share this parenthood journey with-he’s a great Daddy and E just loves him to pieces!  Happy birthday E-although you are getting so big now, you will always be my baby girl!


3 thoughts on “So Bummed…

  1. Omg N, I wish I could adjust hop in my car and drive over to give you a giant hug!!! Reading this post makes me so sad, you are such a great mom, person and friend. I hate seeing my friend so sad. Please let me know if you need anything. I’m thinking about you. Love & hugs- D


  2. Nichole,
    I have recently started following you. I’m so sad with you. I pray that you find peace and in that peace you find comfort. I know it is not easy but I know you are a strong woman. You are a beautiful person and amazing friend. Your a blessing to so many and a sign of strength more then you ever know. I will keep you and the family in my prayers. Hugs 🙂


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