In my 31 years of life, I’ve had my fair share of trials. However, I know God isn’t done with me yet. So, I know there will be more trials to come. Some of these trials have been big and others have been very small in comparison. Then there are those middle of the road trials that I’ve endured as well. Looking back, no matter how big or small the trials have been I have taken away very valuable lessons from them, I have learned from mistakes made, and overall, I am very grateful for the trials I’ve had as they have shaped me into who I am today.
At the time of a trial, I often question why it is happening to me and often wonder what is it trying to teach me and I don’t often see the bigger picture. The trial will test my faith in God. However, one must always remember, God does not seek joy in the midst of any of our trials. James 1:2-4 states: 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Now, as one can imagine. One of the bigger trials of my life thus far has been our struggle with infertility. Looking back on our struggles with infertility, at the very beginning stages of our struggle came some very heavy emotions. I was angry, I was mad, I was jealous of others, I blamed myself. I questioned, “why us?”. I struggled with keeping my faith in the journey. I felt alone and very misunderstood. However, when the burden got to be too much, I remembered that God loves me. I tried to keep in mind a bible verse that has been embedded in my brain since I was a young girl, 1 Corinthians 10:13 which states, “No trial has overtaken you that is not faced by others. And God is faithful: He will not let you be tried beyond what you are able to bear, but with the trial will also provide a way out so that you may be able to endure it.” With these things in mind, I also started to see the love God was showing me even through my trial. Through every bad part there was something good that got me from point A to point B and for that I was and still am very thankful for. It helped me to keep my head above the water so to speak.
Although, even with these great reminders in the back of my brain, no day has been perfect in my struggle. There have been many days where I struggle and drag my feet and feel that awful feeling of depression creep in. However, I am so incredibly thankful for the hope that God instilled in my heart. Without it, I would never have proceeded on in this burden that weighed so heavily on my heart day in and day out. Hope became the anchor to my soul and yet another bible verse that I’ve held near and dear to my heart through this struggle has been Hebrews 6:19 “19 We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” At times it would be so much easier to be negative then to be positive. However, I feel like when I started to be positive about aspects and think about what could go right instead of what could go wrong things started to change drastically for me. Once I started to believe that the outcome we so badly desired could be possible, instead of thinking it could never be possible that just gave me great hope and an enormous amount of strength to keep going.
If it’s one thing I’ve learned through all my trials in life it is that things in life that take the most work and are hard to overcome are usually most worth it in the end. I really started to believe this and it gave me so much hope. Being positive and staying positive are not easy, but I have so many people in my life that continue to tell me to stay positive or to think positive. Honestly, this used to annoy the crap out of me and now I realize it was a very solid piece of advice and such an important piece to my trial with infertility.
There is both a purpose to life’s trials and a reward. The struggle of infertility is preparing us for something bigger and better then we can even imagine for ourselves. Although we can’t see the bigger picture right now, God can. We may not be completely happy in this trial but I continue to have faith that God is preparing me to be the best person I can be in this struggle. This trial is helping me to have great perseverance, in spite of this difficulty and the obstacles that have been in my way. It’s also teaching me that although, I may not know where the road is taking me, it’s helping me to trust that God knows where He is taking me. Often times in this journey I’ve followed the wrong voice, and although it’s given us many setbacks it’s also been a blessing in disguise because it’s made me much, much stronger which I believe has been a part of God’s plan all along. Another purpose to this trial I believe is to teach me humility. The things I have learned along way in this journey have given me such a humble heart and have truly changed me and opened my eyes to things I never realized before. I am grateful for that. I also believe that by being in this trial, I am truly help another who is also struggling and I will be able to comfort them in the way another may not be able to. I’m also a person who likes to be in control and one big lesson in this is no matter how much control I think I have, God ultimately is the one who has all of the control. This trial has also given me a thankful heart. No matter what happens in my life, I realize the importance of prayer. Maybe some of these things I have learned along the way can be viewed as the purpose for this trial, but I also see them as the reward.
I don’t wish the heartache of infertility on anyone, but it’s my trial and I have learned to be grateful for it. My trial has been full of blessings and full of grace. One of the biggest realizations through it was opening my eyes to see them. To be able to find the beauty in all things, the good-the bad-the ugly, it truly is a gift. To realize there is a purpose behind all the pain and to have hope and think of the good instead of the bad is not easy, but it’s worth it. This trial has truly been a blessing in disguise. It has not been easy, but every single twist and turn has been worth it. I hope that in whatever trial you are facing today, that you open your heart and mind to what is possible and open your eyes to what God is trying to teach you. You will come out of it and you will be a happier, and better person because of it and you will be thankful for all that you’ve endured.
Have a great rest of the week and remember God loves you forever and always!