Today is E’s last day of 3K. I’m filled with many emotions, from being sad that she is growing up so quickly, to being excited for her and all the new milestones she’s reached this year. Being a part of all the growth that has taken place in her life thus far and getting to be her Mama has been one of God’s greatest blessings in my life. As sad as it is to see some of those milestones reach an end, it’s also very exciting being a part of each new one too. I can hardly believe how fast this school year went. It truly seems like yesterday we were nervous about letting her go from under our wing and letting her embark on a new journey all on her own without us. It’s a feeling I will never forget.
The end of the year today brings me back to that very first school day, it’s one I will never forget. The morning was filled with nerves and excitement not only from E, but from us too. It was true that E was starting a new journey that day and that was nerve wracking and exciting all at the same time- but my husband and I were also starting a new journey that day. Her first day of school also happened to be our first appointment with Advanced Fertility of Chicago, IL and getting the chance to have a consultation with Dr. Sherbahn about second opinions about our Secondary Infertility case and to talk about our chances of success with IVF.
We took a million pictures of E that morning and hugged her longer and harder then we’ve ever hugged her before and covered her sweet face in kisses. As I let go of my baby just a little bit more that that day, I remember feeling the strongest sense of sadness I’d ever felt because I knew that this may be the last time in my life I may ever get to experience this milestone with a child that was mine. The tears were a flowing. My husband was very calm and almost emotionless-but I know inside he was feeling the same as me, but was trying so hard to be strong for me.
We drove the 2.5 hours to Gurnee, IL after dropping off E at school and it seemed to be the longest drive of my life. Not only was I worried about leaving E and being 2.5 hours away, but I was worried about this appointment too. Once we got there we signed in and sat in the waiting room. Once our name was called back, my heart skipped a beat and I remember just taking a deep breath and thinking-“well, here we go again.” I had some initial blood work done, peed in a cup, and also had a pelvic ultrasound. After some minimal testing was done on me, we were able to go back and speak with Dr. Sherbahn.
So much information was given in such a short amount of time during our consult, it’s truly a blur to me now. However, the worst of it was hearing that at that point in our journey, Dr. Sherbahn said we would only have about a 10% chance of conceiving on our own. When I heard these words said, although I knew at this point things were not working, it was like my world shattered in two. However, Dr. Sherbahn gave us much hope when he said that he had high hopes that IVF w/ICSI would give us our best chances in expanding our family and he had high hopes it would work for us-those words were like music to my ears. I just remember feeling so much honesty coming from the doctor and he did not sugar coat anything, it was a good feeling to know his high success rates in his practice too. However, when it boiled down to our decision on what to do in that moment it was honestly because of money. We knew what we wanted to do, but being able to do it was another story. I left feeling overwhelmed, shattered, and hopeful all at the same time. I knew we’d have some major thinking about this to do and I also knew that it would require a lot more patience in waiting. Waiting…waiting…waiting. That’s what we did for a few more months until pulling the trigger to go forth with IVF.
Fast forward even more months and here we sit 13 weeks and 3 days pregnant with our rainbow baby. We got to experience some first time flutters last night and we couldn’t be more grateful. We started the school year with so much uncertainty and we are ending it with so much joy. We are so incredibly proud of E and all she’s accomplished this year and we are feeling so blessed to say our journey with Dr. Sherbahn and Advanced Fertility has led to our dreams coming true. It’s truly amazing and I am overwhelmed with emotions today. It’s scary to spread your wings…it’s even scarier as a parent to let your baby out from underneath your wing. However, when you do….you and they soar into bigger and better things and wonderful and amazing things can happen.