Changes

My pregnancy and the gender of our baby is now out in the open. I have mixed feelings about this only because my intent was not to hurt anyone by sharing our news, rather the way we announced was to share our story, bring some awareness to the table and also offer a bit of hope to someone walking in our shoes.  I wasn’t going to publicly announce at all, however, I felt by not announcing that I was letting infertility win and it was once again making me be quiet about a struggle that isn’t openly talked about very easily. I never want to be silent about this struggle as I firmly believe that my story could truly  help someone else and also help to break their silence.  When we break the silence on hard topics that is generally when we see changes take place.

I must say announcing this news was a bit different this time around then it was with our first.  With E, we were over the moon excited about telling everyone and posting pictures of my ever growing belly all over Facebook. This was without regard to anyone.  We were clueless about infertility and we were clueless about how our actions of announcing could affect those who were struggling. We were prime examples of those people who just don’t understand unless they’ve walked a day in your shoes.   Looking back I can regretfully see my ignorance and yet I am grateful my eyes were opened wide and I can see all that this struggle has taught me and how much it has changed me.  I am eternally grateful for the love and compassion it has taught me surrounding this very hard topic.

This time around, I was cautious about my announcement.  I honestly didn’t even want to make a public announcement because I knew regardless of how cautious I was, in the back of my mind I knew there would still be those people who I could unintentionally be hurting. It’s just inevitable with this struggle.  However, I think my intent was perceived well for the most part and I received some really supportive comments about how I announced, even from those that have struggled themselves, are still struggling, have miscarried and who know loss.    One wonderful comment that I received last night from an old classmate was this, Congrats Nichole, God puts us through trials so that we can learn, lean on him, and ultimately show love and compassion to others. I missed your first announcement, just went back and watched it. I can see the true thought and empathetic spirit that you put into that post. So so happy for you and your family. God is good all the time.”  I can’t tell you how much this simple, yet so thoughtful comment, meant to me.  It emphasizes that someone recognized that my announcement did not come easily, although this is still an exciting time in our life to share and that my intent was understood.  When she talks about God putting us through trials and why-it’s exactly right.  I just really appreciated everything about this comment and it truly warmed my heart.  The support, comments, and feedback we’ve received after announcing has truly been heartwarming and supportive beyond measure.  I am so grateful as it was a hard thing for me to do!

Something else I wanted to address briefly is that I recently changed my subtitle to this blog to: The joys of being a mother, the heartache and struggles of Secondary Infertility and pregnancy after Secondary Infertility.  I felt that I had to add the pregnancy after secondary infertility part because I will be writing more about it.  I didn’t want to mislead anyone on what this blog is about with keeping the original subtitle.  Change is inevitable and that is life.  To be true to myself I have to keep talking about every aspect of my story and that includes the changes taking place with this struggle.  From the beginning, I said I would be open and honest.  So here I am-A women who had a first pregnancy with no thought that it would be hard the second time around.  Then, secondary infertility rocked my world, and somehow I was able to get my head above the water and overcome my struggle and get pregnant through IVF.  This is my story so far and I am so grateful to be able to share it with all of you-but know, like life, my story is never going to be at a standstill forever.  Instead, it’s forever evolving and making me into the person I am today! Thank you for joining along with me in this crazy roller coaster ride!  God’s just not done with me yet!

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Gender Reveal…

E is very excited to announce that we will have another princess joining our household at the end of November.  It’s official, Baby W. #2 is a girl.  E couldn’t be more thrilled as she made it clear she did not want a brother, rather she really wanted a sister.  We tried explaining to her many times that we can’t pick and choose the gender and we will feel happy with whatever God blesses us with, but she still was adamant about having a baby sister. I’m happy she got her wish or it may have been a whole different scenario, involving tears, pouting and one sad 4 year old at the doctor appointment last week! I on the other hand was in complete shock, as all along I was convinced I was having a boy.  I was convinced with E that I was having a girl and being right the first time I for sure thought my instinct was correct this time.  Wow, it couldn’t have been more wrong!  We are just so grateful to have gotten a healthy report back and all is on track to where it should be.

Baby girl had a heartbeat of 152 bpm and was weighing in at about 12 oz.  She was a bit ultrasound shy though as she kept covering her face with her hands, making profile pics and 3D images hard.  It was truly amazing seeing how she’s grown just from that embryo that we first caught a glimpse of.  This whole process has truly just been amazing when I stop and think about it.  She will hit the 21 week mark this Saturday and I can hardly believe we are at the halfway mark to this pregnancy already.  I’ve been truly enjoying every second of this pregnancy.  It still just all feels so surreal, but I just couldn’t be anymore grateful for this little miracle.

There’s been a lot of excitement in this household from E turning 4 at the end of June and celebrating princess style to 4th of July memories at my parents cabin to now this gender reveal-it just makes me so excited for whats to come!