Support

There are so many online support groups, namely on Facebook, for people who struggle with infertility.  I am in some of these groups and have found them to be extremely supportive and helpful while going through this journey.  It is so nice to find a network of people that 100% get what you are going through, do not judge, and who actually have experience that is deemed helpful in continuing forward in the process. Hearing other people’s struggles and being able to openly share my own has been therapeutic.  These people are understanding of anything I have said or feelings that I have shared and vise versa.

There is no denying that in the ‘real world’ it’s hard to live with  infertility and not be somewhat fake about how you approach the topic because of views people have on it and also because many are simply just uneducated about infertility.  Not only that, as I’ve mentioned in the past, infertility is misunderstood which is no surprise then, that family, friends, co-workers, even strangers do not provide adequate support to someone going through this, unless they themselves have gone through it first hand. However, on a side note, I must say I became less and less fake around people the longer I began to struggle because I wanted to be open and share our story with others.

With this said, I have found support groups to be lacking once I became pregnant after struggling with Secondary Infertility.  I have found only a couple online support groups on Facebook:  IVF/FET Baby Mamas! & Miracles after Secondary Infertility.  Most of the regular groups you sort of ‘graduate’ from and the women in there do not want to be surrounded with your pregnancy stories after IVF because it’s hard for them as they still have that dark cloud looming over their shoulders 24/7, and I get it.  Trust me, I truly get it!

I guess where I am going with this is that even though I got pregnant after IVF and I am happily 6 months pregnant now, I still struggle, I still need support, and Secondary Infertility is still very much a part of my story.  It is still something I think about.  It is still something I need support for.  This dark cloud truly never and fully goes away.  It’s always there.  Even though I am pregnant and things are going well, I still have fears.  I still have some anxiety and worry over what my future holds.  So for this reason, I linger quietly on the Secondary Infertility groups and the Support for IVF groups, etc.  I am just not quite ready to leave because I fear one day I may need them again.

 

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Busy!

It’s been on my ‘to do’ list for weeks now to post in this blog and it just keeps getting put on the back burner.  It’s incredibly hard to believe that we are just 13 days away from E starting the 4k school year and about 13 weeks away (give or take) from having baby #2.  I know this is an over used phrase, but truly I don’t know where time has gone!  It’s been one of those summers that has kind of gotten away from us where we had lots of ideas of fun things to do and barely did half of them.  Yet, it’s been busy and still enjoyable. As always it has gone way to darn fast.

E has lost her complete toddler look and now looks like such a beautiful little lady.  Her Aunty has commented a couple times about how she grew legs this summer!  She is just so petite overall and all legs!  I know she’s grown, as I’ve slowly been going through her closet and putting away her 3T clothing that no longer fit.  Out with the old and in with the new!  The switch from summer clothing to Fall clothing has always been a difficult transition as my little lady is a girl who loves to wear her dresses.  She also is to the point where she likes to have a say about what she wears in the morning and it is no longer as easy as Mama picking her clothes out for her.  She is picky and she likes what she likes!  This can be a challenge in the morning on many occasions!  My mom will also comment while we are skyping how E’s look has changed since she last saw her.  I’m sure because I see E everyday I don’t notice the drastic changes as much as family and friends who don’t see her on a daily basis but I do notice subtle changes in her looks.  Yesterday, while we were playing Princess Candy Land and Animal Sequence I was just taking her all in and had one of those moments where I just couldn’t believe she is 4.  I could have cried-emotions are running high these days that’s for sure.

Among all these changes with E, I am trying to imagine how our family dynamics are going to change in the months ahead.  As much as I am trying to prepare and plan for this I know it’s going to be an adjustment for all of us.  We are soon to be a family of 4.  We’ve been doing what we can to prepare E for the role of big sister, but if I am going to face reality it’s been just her and us for 4 years now and I know as much as she is looking forward to her baby sister, I also know this is going to be hard on her. I know we are about to face a whole new set of challenges.  I battle with the same thing in all honesty.  Parts of me are sad that these last months are the last months where my soul focus is on just E and then other parts of me are very excited to share my heart and love with another baby.  I’ve wanted this for so long, but change has always been hard for me too.  I know once we are all adjusted and in some sort of routine everything will play out just as it should, but in the meantime I’m going to be fully honest and say there are some fears that come along with losing what we consider our normal right now.

As of now, I’m feeling great overall.  I am constantly being asked how I am feeling and usually reply with, “I can’t complain too much” or “I’m doing pretty good overall”. However, I had a little bit of a breakdown in the middle of the night this week.  I am the first to admit that I HATE complaining about my aches and pains with this pregnancy mainly because I wished so long to be in these shoes-I never want to take any part of it for granted.  As my husband so gently reminded me during my breakdown this week, that it’s ok to complain here and there as I am still human and I am growing a little human inside me.  So, how am I doing?  I truly am enjoying this pregnancy.  It’s fun seeing my growth each week and feeling baby girl moving around constantly.  I’m not going to lie though when I say I’m counting down the days until we get to meet her, not only because that part in and of itself is the best day ever and because I’ve anxiously been awaiting our little miracle BUT also because I’m about at my threshhold of pain and feeling uncomfortable.  I can’t eat two bites without feeling like I’m about to burst.  My heartburn has turned into full blown acid re flux and I am so tired of eating tums!  My back is in a terrible amount of pain (but still not as bad as it was with E, thankfully).  I get up to pee about 4 times in the night and I’m not sleeping well. Also, last but not least I’ve been neglecting my poor husband because sex is just not an option these days (sorry for tmi), which is hard on our relationship-but thankfully he’s been a trooper and fairly understanding.  There…my complaints are out in the open!

Although I have my bad days, I’ve had a lot of good days too.  We recently took a camping trip to Counsel Grounds State Park and had a quality filled family weekend together!  It was nice to get away and do something. We haven’t really traveled or taken many vacations together but we’ve done a lot of little things together here and there which can be just as much fun too.  Sometimes, it’s ok to just enjoy time at home and not be on the go all of the time.  With summer coming to an end, there is still so much we wished to do and didn’t get to do and now we are already looking onto our Fall calendar, preparing E for school, and planning for baby girl to arrive.  Life continues to be busy, but in the midst of it all it continues to be good.  I am grateful for each new day ahead.