Ungrateful for this pregnancy, I am not. Human, I am. I have tried so hard to keep my minor aches and pains of this pregnancy to myself. I think I had it in my head that by complaining about anything pregnancy related would make me seem selfish or thankless for finally being in these shoes, shoes that I’ve waited to be in for so long. I did really well not complaining about anything up until the last couple of months. Now I’ve hit my threshold and the pain is at a constant 10. It is so hard to hide something that completely changes my whole demeanor. I truly hate the person I am with chronic pain because I find myself snapping at others more easily, it makes me feel “lazy”, and it makes me feel like it has taken over my everyday. Things that I can typically do with ease, I can no longer do without wincing because it hurts. As pathetic as it sounds, this includes just simply doing the laundry, putting dishes away, making the bed, going for a walk, sitting for long periods of time, sleeping at night, etc. I’ve been told to “just rest” but the pain is there and even is felt while sitting. I kind of have to laugh a bit because I can compare the advice others try to give me who have never experienced chronic pain to the advice people would give us when I said we were having a difficult time getting pregnant-these people mean well and are trying to be helpful but rest is not going to cure what is going on with my back, just as not stressing over it was not going to get me pregnant!
Chronic back pain is not only very excruciating, but it is incredibly frustrating to live with daily and it is exhausting both mentally and physically on me. This pain is not new to me, rather it is something I have dealt with since the 4th grade. My pregnancy with E was rather difficult in the last months due to back pain as well. I ended up doing physical therapy with her and this time around I am doing what I learned in PT at home and also started going to the chiropractor. I am proud to say that I managed it well the last couple of years with lots of self care, knowing when enough is enough, and also by being diligent about doing stretches and exercising frequently. I can only hope that after this baby is born that I can get myself back in that routine and get my back to a more tolerable pain again. There were bad days, but more good then bad when I was able to manage the pain at home.
Being pregnant and having chronic back pain is a different ballgame altogether. The things I could do to manage the pain at home and keep the pain at a tolerable level I can no longer do because of my big belly and the extra weight I carry is a huge culprit to the pain. The pain is also constant so like I said, even minor everyday tasks are just very difficult for me (if you could only see my dirty house right now, you would see only one of the things I’ve been neglecting to be able to do lately). I was fully aware that going into this journey, that when I got pregnant I would more then likely deal with this type of pain again. It didn’t stop me though because I know it will all be worth it once I’m holding our beautiful baby girl in my arms!