Life has been moving in full speed for me 24/7. There are no breaks for rest, no quiet moments, or time to regroup my mind, body, and soul. I’m not sleeping much either these days. It seems if it’s not one thing, it’s another. Some of these things have been big and some have been small. Some of these things have been causing little stress and some have been causing great stress. There are moments where I am so overwhelmed I feel like I can’t even think strait. Then there have been moments my anxiety is sky rocketing because I think too much while I am thinking strait. On a daily basis, I look up to the heavens and think Dear God, Help me!!! I take a deep breath and try to keep putting one foot in front of the other, but my tank is on E.
Recently, I found the milk in the cubboard, instead of the fridge. I walked into the living room because I needed something in there, except halfway there I forgot why I was going into the living room to begin with. I’m still trying to think of what that something was-although, probably insignificant now. I got to the parking lot of E’s school to drop off her class snack for the week, only to turn around and look in the backseat of the car and realize I left all the snacks at home. One morning, I also started applying my mascara as eyeliner and not because I didn’t have eyeliner and I was trying to improvise but because I truly thought I was holding my eyeliner. Clearly these are a few examples of being overwhelmed and exhausted.
If I am honest with myself and you, I am 100% overwhelmed and exhausted right now. I am knee deep in the constant demands of my family and daily duties. I am constantly hearing other moms saying they need a nap and/or coffee to make it through another day and sadly I don’t think either of those things would suffice for me right now, although if either were offered to me I would not turn them down.
If asked what I do need to keep putting one foot in front of the other each day to energize and motivate me, I truly come up blank. This is because I’ve forgotten the me in me. I’ve given so much of myself to my family I never have the energy to even think of myself anymore. Down time (by myself) has always been something I need to gain some get up and go back. Down time is non-existent lately. The me in me is on the back burner constantly, causing a complete burnout and depletion of energy. I am seeking daily encouragement as well because I constantly feel like the worst mom or a failure and am beating myself up for not being able to juggle it all. I compare myself to working moms who still have to do what I do. I feel like I can’t do it all and I am not working and always think to myself I don’t know how I could work and do this!
Am I being too hard on myself? Maybe. As a mom, it’s especially hard to admit all of what I’ve talked about. It’s hard to admit when you need help. It’s hard to admit that you feel like you need a break. It’s hard to be vulnerable and admit that you can’t do it all. It’s also ok to need some time to yourself so you can regroup. I’m slowly realizing I can’t take care of everyone and everything if I am not taking care of myself.
I feel like I’m losing my ever-loving mind. I’m forgetting what inspires me, drives me and gives me hope…
Today, I just need some encouragement.