Monday Motivation for a Mombie

What is the fastest speed you’ve driven in your vehicle? C’mon, be honest, this is a safe place.  For me, I can say I’ve gone 80-85 mph for many miles without even realizing my foot is heavy on the gas. Where I live, the highest speed limit is about 70 mph just to give you a clue of how many miles over the speed limit I have gone.  It typically isn’t until I see a speed limit sign, or a a police car checking for speeders , that I was reminded to check my speed and slow down. Sometimes, when I drive, I think I just get in a zone and will admit, I don’t even think or realize how fast I am going or even think that I am speeding.  Most days I set my cruise control though and I am good to go!

In life, as you well know, there is no cruise control button.  As a mom, we are pulled in several different directions from the moment we wake up until the moment we go to bed.  Most days fly by at what feels like a warped speed.  If you have really little ones, oftentimes, you are even needed throughout the night making this need for you 24/7. You feel like there is no time to hit the breaks and you keep speeding around, not only getting tasks done but taking care of everyone too.

Lets be honest and say that this can be down right exhausting.  Sometimes you feel like you are in a this zone catering to the needs of everyone in your family, multi-tasking to make sure everything gets done (or in my case, at least started) and never finding the time to slow down and take a two second breather or being able to take the time for a little self care along the way.  By the end of the day you may find yourself thinking, Where did the day go?  or I wish I would have had time to read a chapter in that book I got from the library or Man, I am so tired but there is still this to get done and that to do, or there’s no time to watch that favorite episode of your favorite show on netflix. Whatever it is you may think at the end of a very busy day there is one thing that holds true, not once did you think about slowing down because you are a super mom, you are what holds the glue together and if you don’t do it, nobody else will or your child just simply needed Mom today.  The problem is, is that you had no speed limit sign in your day and no police officer to pull you over if you were going to fast without stopping to take a break.

With that, my advice to you Mombies out there on this fine Monday, is to simply Slow Down.  This applies to driving and just in your everyday life at home.  I don’t have to tell you that speeding is illegal, dangerous and reckless.  It can also be an expensive mistake, if caught as well.  With speeding when driving, there are consequences.

Just like actual speeding, not slowing down in your every day normal activity can also lead to consequences.  You will find yourself burnt out, having lack of patience with whoever crosses your path, you may get physically sick, you can become easily stressed out, you can also become overly exhausted, etc.  Figuratively speaking, you may not have any posted speed limit signs throughout your day to remind you to slow down, or a police officer to pull you over when you get in this zone. There is, however, a point during the day where that nagging voice inside you is telling you it is time to take a break and slow down or when your body tells you it has exhausted its use for that day and knows you are ready for something more low key.  It is your job to start listening to your overall being and take that breath of fresh air.

To you speeders out there, on the road and in everyday life, please slow down.  As the occasional Mombie myself, I will leave you all with some simple ideas of things I do when I have exceeded the speed limit in my life and know it’s time to slow down.  It is my hope you will be able to use these tips or find ways in your own life to incorporate ways to stop and smell the roses:

  1. Have everyone pitch in to help out with a chore, any chore!  This is helpful at the dinner hour especially.  Instead of doing everything yourself, make this a family affair.  For example last night I could have easily dragged my tired body into the kitchen and submitted to making dinner, setting the table, and dishing up everyone’s plates while the rest of my family was lounging on the couch (which is what I obviously would have wanted to do instead) . Instead, I delegated the task and decided it would go faster and we may eat on time if everyone helped out.  As a mom, you shouldn’t have to do it all or be expected to.  There is a little piece of the dinner hour that each of your family members can be involved in helping with.
  2. Make meals ahead.  If you know your week is going to be busy, dinner prep the weekend before.  This has been such a time saver this summer, especially nights where my oldest had sporting events in the evening and didn’t get done with games until 5:30 or 6:30.  Instead of scrambling trying to figure out what to eat and what to make have a plan.  I never felt like cooking on these evenings as it got late and I was too tired, so this not only saved time but made things less of a headache.
  3. Plan in advance to do one thing YOU enjoy each day.  If you already have a plan about something you want to do before the day begins you have already given yourself that permission to slow down and take that much needed break.  It can be something as simple as reading a chapter in a book, or watching an episode of your favorite tv show or exercising when your husband gets home from work.  It can be something that takes 5 minutes or something that lasts an hour.  Whatever it is, do it, enjoy it and don’t feel guilty about it.
  4. Set aside time on the weekends to have time completely to yourself.  For me, this is Saturday and Sunday mornings.  I wake up and usually work out for about an hour.  I try to do this before anything else so as I don’t get distracted by all the other things I have to do or a child needing me and putting off doing so.  Lately, I have even just been mowing the lawn.  Some may see this as a chore, but it gives me time to slap on my ear buds and listen to a podcast or my favorite music, child free for 45 minutes.
  5. Focus on one task and do it from start to finish.  Nothing is more overwhelming then starting something and not being able to finish it.  I have always been a list maker and when I can cross something off that list, I feel so less stressed.  However, when I start something and can’t finish it I can’t cross it off my list and if I continue to go on without finishing it I just get overwhelmed because things continue to get added to that list.  Take the time to finish so you can move on to the next task stress free.
  6. Online Shopping.  I recently ordered all of my daughters school supplies online.  At first I was feeling so guilty about not giving her the in store experience and mother-daughter bonding time to do this together.  However, with the 2nd little one now and trying to find time to shop and shopping with them both can be a stressful nightmare.  I decided against the stress and headache and let me tell you, ordering online was easy, no stress and was delivered to my door in 2 days!  BOOM!
  7. Take a bath instead of a shower.  Soaking in a bath of bubbles and hot water is sometimes the best medicine for a busy and stressful day.  This forces relaxation.
  8. Put down the electronic devices and actually spend time with your family.  Play a board/card game.  Take a walk together.  Play in your back yard.  Talk to each other.  Whatever it is, eliminate screen time and spend more time with the people you love.
  9. Say No.  Simply stop saying yes to everything.  Don’t feel obligated to do things you don’t want to do, especially if it just will cause you more to do and cause you more stress.
  10. Keep the environment you live in clean.  If my house is messy/dirty I can’t relax and always creates me to do busy work. Doing the little things now to keep your house tidy, will eliminate a bigger cleaning time later.  Pick up after yourself.  Wipe down tables and counters after each use. Have your kids pick up their own toys after they are done.  Keep on a cleaning schedule.

 

Advertisements

Wondering on Wednesday?

Probably, by far, one of the most frustrating pieces of “advice” people gave me while going through infertility was to stop stressing, and it will happen.  When others would say this to me, it was like they alone had the magic answer to my problem.  If you know anything about infertility though, you know that stress alone is never the only contributing factor as to why pregnancy doesn’t occur easily.  I realize stress can play a role in this circumstance, but I also know that stop stressing and it will happen was not the magic answer to our prayers.

However, I did start praying that people would stop giving me unmerited advice and stop telling me to stop stressing.  Stress is a part of our daily lives.  Stress is something every single person has experienced. We know that there is both good stress and bad stress, that people handle stress differently and that stress can affect us physically, mentally and emotionally all differently too.

Knowing that I am a worrier by nature and stress easily, I do wonder sometimes how my stress played a role in our infertility.  However, that is the key to this…I know it had to have played a small role but I know it was not the bigger piece to our puzzle.  I feel like this is a question I will never know the answer to, but often wonder.

Most people are in denial about baby making.  We are taught when we grow up that we have sex and boom you can get pregnant when in fact, making a baby is a very complex thing.  We only have a small window of time each month where a baby can actually be made.  Everything has to be in sync for this to take place and this is right down to the right environment of the women’s uterus for an embryo to stick and for a baby to then start to grow and thrive.  Bottom line is, there are many factors to infertility and stress alone is not the main culprit for a couple struggling.

It truly saddens me every single time I hear that another person was either given this advice or I hear it being said in conversation.  It is truly cringe worthy and I’m having a harder and harder time keeping my mouth shut when I hear it being said.  I feel like I need to step up to the plate and educate people on what is the reality of someone struggling with infertility and the potential causes.

I am wondering also, why this piece of advice is given so often being the first thing someone says when the topic of infertility arises?  Do people actually think they are being supportive giving it?  I am going to caution you that it is one of the least supportive things you could say to someone struggling with infertility.  In actuality, upon hearing this from you, the person on the receiving end has shut down internally because all they really heard is “You think this is my fault”. Being a direct recipient of this advice myself, and if you are a person who has given it or gives it or is about to gives it or is even thinking it, I am going to forewarn and advise you to just knock it off! Stop saying this to someone struggling with infertility.  It is simply and awful thing to say.

For those of you currently struggling with infertility or have struggled in the past, I am wondering if you have been given this “advice” by someone (if you haven’t, I would honestly be shocked)?  If so, how did you interpret it?  How does it make you feel hear upon hearing it?  How do you handle it when it is said to you?  Also, what are your overall thoughts about how stress and infertility go hand in hand? I want to know!!!

In the meantime, check out this article on Mediation and Relaxation techniques posted on the resolve.org website:

http://www.resolve.org/support/Managing-Infertility-Stress/meditation-relaxation.html?referrer=https://www.facebook.com/

I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this middle of the week wondering Wednesday discussion!

 

Aimless 20 Talk Tuesday

Welcome to Aimless 20 Talk Tuesday.  Another Tuesday has rolled around where I don’t have a specific topic to discuss, rather just random thoughts I need to release.  If it isn’t your thing to listen to me ramble, no offense will be taken.  Hopefully you can find other topics on this blog you can relate to or issues that make you want to engage with me on.  I’m always open for a discussion and absolutely love those few comments that I receive.  I hope your Tuesday is way better then your Monday and to to all the Mama bears out there, I hope you were able to shake off the feelings of Mombie yesterday and were able to use my simple motivation tips to get you though.

  1.  My daughter has her very last soccer game tonight and I am that mom who just remembered I still need to wash her soccer jersey, shorts and soccer socks from last week.  Excuse me for a second while I go throw those in the washing machine!
  2. Guilty as charged.  I bought all but 7 items on E’s kindergarten school supply list online.  It was fabulous, fast & stress free.  I am feeling a little sad that I didn’t actually take E to go to the store to get the supplies because as a little girl growing up I remember it was so fun going with my mom to pick out and buy all the school supplies with her and my sisters (thinking back it was probably not so much fun for her, haha).  However,  I guess we still need those last few items that were out of stock online and she will also need to pick out a new backpack, tennis shoes and clothes.  I’m sure we can make a day of it just her and I to go do that…feeling less sad now.  I am new at this whole school shopping thing…for those of you with kiddos, do you take them to the store to pick out supplies or do you do fuss free and order online?  Advice or tips on how to go about it as the list can be overwhelming!  At this point I didn’t even really care about looking for deals, I just wanted a one stop fast purchase and so target.com it was!
  3. Did they change the sizing of women’s tennis shoes or did my feet just expand?  I have bought two pairs online for myself and have had to return both pairs (size 8) because they are too small.  Size 8 has always been my shoe size and I’ve never had a problem ordering without first trying shoes on and having to return them because they are too small.  It is so terribly hard to get out and do any shopping for myself and I am in desperate need of a pair of work out shoes-the ones I have had now are about a year in and my feet are really starting to hurt wearing them when I work out.  The last pair I bought was Asics brand, these last two were New Balance-maybe just the brand?  Bottom line is I need to take time to go try on some shoes because I need to find a winner.  My poor aching feet!
  4. K has been sleeping terribly this week.  She’s been getting up every 1.5 to 2 hours and just wanting to nurse.  She was a little irritable this morning, not like herself and now my mommy bear instinct is wondering if she has another ear infection.  She did just have her first tooth poke through though so I wonder if it’s just teething.  I hate the mysterious symptoms of ear infection vs. teething symptoms.
  5. We have had two meals worth of green beans from our small garden.  They are such a treat.  I just love all the fresh garden goodness this time of year.
  6. I’ve been debating if I want to keep my hair longer or chop it off short again.  I go back and forth and it’s always a battle with myself.  Decisions, decisions.
  7. We got a new dishwasher a couple weeks ago.  Our old one bit the dust.  It seriously sounded like an airplane was landing in our kitchen when it was running.  We stopped running it at night because it was too loud, so I would have to run it during the day and it was so annoying.  We are loving our new and very quiet dishwasher.  Thanks Bosch for surpassing my expectations in a quality dishwasher.  The true test is if you outlive our last one, which was a completely different brand.
  8. My 5 year old has been begging me to take her to Build A Bear Workshop.  I honestly do not want to spend that much money on a stuffed animal.  She has a million dolls and stuffed animals in which have no place to go but the floor of her bedroom and they create so much clutter.  She has had a stuffed animal since she was little that she is partial to so I know nothing else will replace that. However, while I was pumping this morning she so innocently came in and randomly asked me, “Mama, did you know that Build A Bear work shop is proudly supported by PBS kids?”.  It was as if that lone fact would convince me to take her.  It made me laugh a little bit!  I really should just suck it up and take her.  She’s only a kid once and it would give us a little something to do together and also make her heart happy.  When I look at it that way, it’s worth every penny spent!
  9. I love that I’ve been a SAHM, but have been able to bring in a little bit of extra income by watching extra kiddos in my home.  The little boy I currently watch is going to be going to school in the Fall so I won’t have him weekly anymore, but will have him occasional days.  I’m torn if I should look for another part time family to work with or seriously look for a flexible part time job in the evenings or something.  I just don’t know what to do.
  10. I’ve been slacking on my water intake lately.  I was doing so well.  I need to keep it up.  When I had kidney stones, my doctor told me that I should be drinking about 101 oz. per day.  That, to me, is a crazy amount of water.  I was getting just under the 100 oz. mark but as of lately I just can’t do it.
  11. My house is disgusting.  It needs a major, heavy duty cleaning.  I do not feel like being the magical cleaning fairy anymore though.  I’m on strike!
  12. I just freaked out for a split second.  My 8 month old is crawling around the floor and I noticed a huge dark purple bruised looking mark on her leg….no bruise, haha…just a smooshed blueberry stain on her chunky leg.
  13. Thoughts on stay-cations with your family when you can’t afford an actual vacation?  How do you avoid the stresses of being at home but still allowing yourself to “be on vacation”.
  14. My favorite flower is the Star-Gazer Lily.  Mine were chewed by rabbits last year and I had high hopes that they would come up and bloom this year.  I have not seen them and it makes me sad.  I need to remember to buy more and plant for next year.
  15. I am in a few mom groups and I have been reading a lot of moms freaking out because their 8 and 9 year olds have gotten their periods already.  Holy crap!  That just seems so young, although I realize girls all develop differently at different ages.  Some are early and some are younger and blooming (Gosh I hate that term for that).  I was reading some discussion about why girls seem to be going through puberty at such an early age and a lot of people seemed to come to the conclusion it has something to do with all the crap they put in foods these days.  What are your thoughts on this?  It makes me then tornado into thinking about infertility and how early blooming can affect fertility?  Interesting thoughts really.
  16. If one saying rings true, it is “The grass isn’t always greener on the other side”.
  17. My older sister and I enjoy playing tennis, however we had a lot on our minds last night and instead of playing we did more venting and talking.  I told her from now on we are just going to play Ventis instead of Tennis.  That is what I did last night to have some “me” time.  For once, I took my own advice and it was such a lovely break.  I love my sisters.
  18. I finished my DIY project and am in love with the end result.  I am itching to do the rest of my furniture I have great plans for.  I will try to post a blog post about it soon.
  19. Do you have a FitBit?  If so, lets connect.  I love to do challenges and I need more motivation in my life to get moving. Goals!
  20. We are on the fence about buying a camper.  For those of you who have one what do you love about it and what do you hate about it?  Is it worth the purchase?  We love camping and go every summer and would probably go more if we had a camper.  It is the price tag that gets me, especially because we had a year last year with our finances and any big purchases right now feel like they would be in vain.  I hate money.

Motivational Monday for a Mombie…

Complaining, feeling burnt out, dragging your feet, seeing the negatives, having lack of patience and appearing scatterbrained are all some qualities that come by easy to a mom who is running on little sleep and are constantly putting everyone else’s needs and wants before your own.  At least these are all the qualities I possess on this fine Monday morning. Admitting that I am a real treat to be around is an understatement.  This is what happens to us mom’s though.  We are sucked dry and need some recovery time with some time for self care, pampering, a little TLC and even receiving a little motivation goes a long ways.  Sadly, the Mombie comes out when we don’t have recovery time.   One way to recover is to also hash out some of the above qualities which I am about to do now.  Followed by some simple tips for motivation to get you through.

So, let me complain first:  My littlest was up about every hour and a half last night, really only being soothed by nursing.  She may not even been getting milk at some of her time at my breast, rather just comfort sucking which meant I am running on about 0 mph this morning because I got little sleep.  Then, I woke up and was disheartened at the fact that my husband and I made 0 time for each other this weekend (this is something we have talked about and know we need to work on, yet talk about it is all we seem to do).  Over this realization, I told my husband it really sucks and he quickly sighed, “Yep.” Without much else to offer me, he left and went to work.  I just feel deflated.  I then realized I am out of my favorite coffee, which is a must for a Monday morning like this. Ugh, such a bummer.  Today also happens to be allergy shot Monday which is always a hassle in and of itself.  I debated skipping my shot all together, but it completely slipped my mind to go to it last week so I figured I really needed to muster up the energy to go today.

Overall, I am just feeling burnt out, craving some time with my husband and would really enjoy some quality me time.  I have had little time for self care and I can not stress enough how important that is, especially being a mom!  After a little pity party for myself this morning, I took a deep breath and mused on trying to think positive thoughts.  The day just has to get better.  The day just has to get better.  The day just has to get better. Then, I read a daily devotional which was called, “Love Beyond Limits”.  This seemed fitting as it talked about how tall of an order it can be to consistently think about others and how hard it can be and how trying to meet everyone’s needs before our own can be exhausting, all consuming and a huge sacrifice.  However, it can be rewarding too depending how we look at it as well as knowing in your heart how  you’ve blessed others can bring on positive feelings too.  As a mom, think of all you do and sacrifice for your children and husband on a daily basis.  That alone is pretty amazing and selfless.

So on this Monday, if you are a Mombie like me who is struggling, burnt out, exhausted, in need of some tlc and self care please do yourself and everyone around you a favor.  Go find yourself a mirror and look at yourself and simply breathe.  Then look beyond those tired eyes and smile and tell yourself today is going to be an awesome day!  Please, then take 5 minutes to reflect quietly.  Just 5 minutes.  You’ve got this!  Then, I want you to think of something you really need to get you through this day (it can be something as simple as a candy bar or maybe you need to ask a friend, neighbor or relative to watch the kids so you can run an errand by yourself, or maybe today you will actually rest/nap when they nap or take time to watch a favorite television program, or go exercise without the munchkins or hubby around… whatever you decide, choose one thing and actually do it, no excuses, no worry about the time or the others that you typically let hold you back in doing something you want to do!

 

 

 

Simple, yet kind

Going off my post yesterday, Oh the Stares & Glares, (which was a bit negative) I wanted to update you on my experience yesterday afternoon while out and about with my kiddos.  Save big money, save big money, save big money when you shop____________.  Sorry, I couldn’t resist putting that catchy little tune out there and if you filled in the blank with Menards you are correct.

Menards is where I needed to go yesterday and once again, I had no choice but to bring my kiddos with me. The reason for this little errand  (not important, but in case you are wondering why I needed to go there I will tell you) is because we recently were given two end tables from my husband’s grandma as she moved out of her assisted living apartment and into a memory care facility.  Unfortunately, she needed to downsize as her room is much smaller where she is living now and she was going to be getting rid of some of her belongings.  We gladly accepted taking these end tables and I immediately saw a project.  These tables are older, outdated and needed a face lift.  I’ve been intrigued by all these lovely Pinterest refurbishing and distressing projects with chalk paint.  When I saw these tables that were being offered to us, I figured these they would be my guinea pigs to work on before I try to refinish the other pieces of bedroom furniture in my daughters room and our bedroom that I would also like to give a face lift.  If done successfully, they will be a neat piece and heirloom we will have from my  husband’s grandma, whom (K’s) middle name is named after (side note, my grandma and my husbands grandma had the same first name a big factor in why we chose that middle name and even more special, my husbands grandma borrowed us the last sum of money we needed to make our IVF cycle even possible and are forever grateful for her kindness).  Hopefully, if this project turns out I will post a blog about it later on.

Moving on, the errand with the girls yesterday was a cake walk compared to my WM nightmare errand last week.  The girls were well behaved and were in good moods, well rested, and simply content just riding around in the cart (some days just prove to be better then others).  I knew it was an errand that was not going to take me long.  All I needed to get was the chalk paint, a paint brush and some sand paper.  There was only about a 5 minute wait to get my pain mixed up and while we waited I gave the girls a little snack.

While the girls were snacking, I was looking at a DIY painting brochure and this is where I noted simple, yet kind act #1 occur.  The female employee in the paint section quickly rushed over to me with great concern and said, “I thought I should tell you I think your baby has something in her mouth but I’m not sure what and I don’t want her choking.”  I thanked her for her concern as it was absolutely appreciated that another person was attentive to the well being of my child and acting as a helper and not a judgemental a**hole (excuse my French).  I kindly explained to her that my baby did have something in her mouth, but it was just a teething Rice Rusk, completely safe for her to have.  The employee chuckled a little bit and seemed relieved that it was nothing more serious and then complimented me on how adorable both my girls were.   This truly warmed my heart.  Simple, yet kind.  Kindness goes a long way.

Simple, yet kind act #2 occurred next.  My paint was mixed and my kiddos and I walked towards the front of the store to check out.  We checked out and the cashier smiled at me and greeted both of my girls and even proceeded to ask E how old she was and asked me how old K was.   She engaged in conversation with me about soon becoming a grandparent to a baby boy who was soon to be arriving any day.  I was paying for items and K got a little fussy (nothing major) and the cashier quickly ran to her attention and started rubbing her feet, talking soothingly to her as I proceeded to take care of my payment.  This was so helpful.  When I was done paying, the cashier then said, let me bag your items today so you can tend to your little one.  Typically you bag your own items at Menards.  I quickly went over to K’s side and tended to her, while very enthusiastically thanking the cashier for her kindness.  Simple, yet kind.  Kindness goes a long way.

Simple, yet kind act #3 happened in the parking lot.  I walked out to my car in the parking lot and I first grabbed K and got her buckled into her car seat.  Next, I grabbed E out of the car and got her in the car and buckled in to her car seat.  I then went to grab the day bag and my items out of the cart.  As I was putting my items in the car, a nice older gentleman asked me if I was done with my cart.  I told him I was and he grabbed it and walked it over to the cart corral for me.  At first I assumed he was walking into the store and going to use it himself while shopping.  When I saw him walking back and over to the car next to me, I thanked him again for helping me out and he said, “It looked like you had your hands full and I wanted to help you.”  At this point I wanted to cry because I felt so humbled.  These acts of care were all so very simple, yet so very kind and going off how my heart was feeling in that very moment was just proof that one simple act of kindness goes a long way.  

After my trip to WM last week, I was feeling so defeated and down.  Due to the unkindness that surrounded me that day, it made me question myself and if I was a good mom.  My faith in humanity was tested, once again.  Yet, yesterday while running my errand my faith was quickly restored.  It is so ironic how that works.  God knew I needed a pick me up and He was present yesterday in the many people who were so kind to me and to my girls when I needed it most.  Kindness is out there.  It does exist.  Thank you God!

Choose kindness always.  Kindness always wins!

 

Oh the Stares & Glares

Recently, I made a trip to Wal-Mart (ugh) to pick up some groceries and other staple items for our most recent weekend camping trip.  Procrastinating this errand was something I admit I had been doing all week.  I dread going to that store in general and the closest one to where we live is, in my opinion, a ghetto WM.  I dread this store even more so when I have to tote my girls along with me. Truly, it had been my intent to go in the evening when my husband was home from work so I could go by myself and not have to take the girls with.  This did not happen though, mainly because by the time my husband got home and I made dinner and we ate and cleaned up dinner I was simply just spent.  Understandable so, the last place I wanted to go was (you guessed it), WM.

Instead, I ended up having to take both girls with me during the day.  Thankfully, I was able to go on a Thursday in the morning (around 9 a.m.) when it tends to be less busy, so that part at least wasn’t stressful. The stressful part was getting through my long list of items and surviving the trip with my 5 year old and 8 month old in tow.   Be thankful I am taking the time to write this blog post to recap my hellish experience because even the thought of reliving this trip to WM, gives me anxiety.

Typically I feed K before going anywhere so I know I have at least a couple hours (give or take) before she is wanting to nurse again, so I made sure to do this before leaving.  I also have her day bag (as I call it) packed with all the essential tools snacks/drinks and entertainment for both girls. Getting out the door and into the car can be a challenge in and of itself some days too.  It was, of course, one of those days that morning.  Nothing drives me nuts more then when I tell my 5 year old to use the bathroom before she gets into the car and she either says, “I already went potty” or “I do not have to go” and then when everyone is finally all buckled in and ready to go she quickly says, “I guess I really do have to go potty”.  Go figure right!

At this point, K was already screaming as she dislikes being confined in her car seat, especially when we are not moving.  Once, E finally went potty and we were good to go (or so I thought) I reluctantly started backing out the driveway and started on our way (the crying had stopped).  The quiet was short lived though because I forgot to put down K’s sunshade on her car seat and the sun was blasting through the window blinding my poor baby.  Her screams of dislike were matching what I was observing.  Driving with a screaming child is the worse thing ever.  Luckily, we have a short 10 minute drive to the store, but 10 minutes can seem like an eternity in some circumstances.

Deep breaths and repetitive, “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this” were being done by myself and said as I pulled into the WM parking lot.  I got everyone out and into the entrance and pulled out a cart, put K in the front and told E she could walk along side me and hold onto the cart or she could sit and ride in the big part on the inside of the cart.  She started protesting about this right away and whining about K getting to sit in the front of the cart and how she never gets to anymore. I explained for the 100th time that she is a lot bigger then K and not a baby anymore and explained yet again she had those two other options.

That’s when my sassy pants discovered a 3rd option.  E fixated her eyes on that disgusting, big clunky cart with the 2 child attachment on the front of it.  I am not sure if you have ever used one of these at WM before with your kids, but my advice is to avoid it at all causes.  It is so dirty and disgusting and something no sanitation wipe could fix.  It is sticky and the buckles don’t work.  It is big and hard to push and doesn’t steer at all.  However, sometimes some battles are not worth fighting over (as my mother has always told me, pick your battles) I had to accomplish this list of mine in record breaking time, with two kids.  I chose this bitch of a cart over arguing about it with my daughter.  E got to sit in the front next to K so she was happy and content and K seemed to be doing fine initially.

The contentment lasted maybe five minutes and K already started getting fussy and E was already asking to go look at the fish tanks in the back corner of the store.  I quickly took out my first tool to distract K (those Rice Rusk crackers) and she gladly accepted the distraction and started munching away, while E was still begging to see those damn fish.

The constant whining from E was highly distracting and I could not think strait, even with a shopping list in hand.  I got a few of the items on my list and quickly zoomed over to the fish tanks where we sat and stared at the fish for about two minutes before I decided it was time to keep going with this daunting task.  E started complaining that she didn’t get to see all the fish and we did not visit them long enough and that they will miss her.  Oh well kid, oh well…Mama has got shit to do.  Of course I didn’t say that to her (I am not cold hearted towards my kiddos, but my mind surely was thinking this).  At this point K had dropped her rice rusk on the bottom of the cart among all the other sticky, nastiness that was lying there and started crying again.

By the time we had made it to the other half of the store, K was in full blown screaming mode, even after pulling out a few more things to try an entertain her.  At this point I was sweating because of the damn cart and could actually feel the burn in my calf muscles from pushing that beast.  I pulled the cart over to regroup and see what else I could use to distract K but I knew at this point it was pointless as she was crying that “I want to be held”  type cry.  I could also feel the stares and glares of other shoppers around me.  At that point I was “that mom shopping with kids” that we all see and have our own judgments about.

My anxiety started to rise.  I saw an elderly couple peak out of the chip isle and the women muttered something to her partner and then shook her head making me start to feel flustered and sweat even more.  I realize that people don’t know your situation and can pass all the judgement they want and have a right to their opinion based on what they see and I shouldn’t let it get to me, yet what they failed to recognize was a mom who in that moment was struggling, as we all do, yet was doing the best job she possible could in that moment.  This is what bothers me.

In that moment, I would have loved a helping hand or someone to come up and say something positive to me.  Instead I got every stare you could possibly imagine and all the glares in the world.  Not once did someone offer to help me, offer a positive word of encouragement or sympathize even with me.  Yet another thing that bothers me, not that I was expecting an act of kindness.  However, it would be nice for someone to break the judgement cycle.  A little kindness can go a long way.

After this experience, I will offer this advice.  First of all, agai a little kindness goes a long ways.  When you see another person struggling in whatever circumstance or situation they may be in offer them a helping hand, offer a sympathetic smile or say something positive.  What I felt from others in that moment was very far from kindness, compassion or concern.  It was full on judgement being flown my way.  I did not appreciate it one bit and it was so not helpful and made an already difficult task  harder.

After pulling my cart over, I contemplated ditching it altogether and getting the hell out of that place but I was halfway through my list so I kept on.  At this point I had taken K out of the cart and was holding her, grocery shopping, holding a list, and pushing that stupid cart all at once.  On top of that, my oldest daughter was complaining that she needed to pee (again). So, I stopped what I was doing and we found her a bathroom, which of course was far from where we were in the store at that point (annoying).

After E had used the bathroom, she was then complaining that she was hungry and thirsty.  I told her that she could wait until we got to the car to get a snack and get a drink and she would not take that for an answer so she started whining harder and I consistently kept telling her the same thing over and over and over.  I was a hot mess at this point and sweating so profusely and wanting to just cry out of frustration.  K was happy as a lark being carried through the store all the while my back was aching from the load.

Making it to the check out line was less then fun because like any day at WM I had to stand in line and wait about 15 minutes before my stuff was even up on the belt and I had to put K back in the cart to unload it.  Of course she screamed and E was standing up begging to get out to look at the toys and candy.  I was not about to deal with E begging to get any toys or candy so I made her stay in the cart.  Instead I told her to entertain her sister (which was not working).  K’s screaming were getting worse and worse and finally that same elderly lady who glared at me earlier and shook her head at me was behind me in line and this time telling me I needed to “take that baby home and get her a nap” and then proceeded to tell me my baby “really had a set of lungs on her”.  First off, don’t tell me what my baby needs and secondly don’t talk to me if you are just going to be rude.  Clearly I can hear my baby crying and I am her mother and know what she needs, however, I again, am doing the best I can trying to accomplish this one task so please just go away!

After paying and seriously walking out of the store as fast as my sweaty and very tired little legs could go, I got to the car.  Then, I got the kids buckled into their seats, got E her drink and snack, got K her special blanket, got the cart unloaded and put away, and myself into the car.  Sitting in my car never felt so good and I took the biggest sigh of relief that I was in my own environment with two happy and content kiddos…finally. Then, I just started to cry.

Mom-ing is hard.  We are one person but many times we have no choice but to take on so many roles all in one breath.  So many times others forget this.  Be kind to yourself and gentle on yourself and most importantly always be kind to others.  Mama you are doing your best and I know and you know that nobody on earth loves your kiddos and cares for and about them like you do!

This was my WM trip from hell.  I’d love to hear yours too!

 

 

Wondering on Wednesday?

…perhaps a new weekly series in my blog?  Maybe!

Just a couple questions have crossed my mind lately.  Maybe there is a clear cut answer for these questions or maybe they are topics up for a discussion or debate even (I really hate debates).  I’ve always been told that no question is a dumb question (again, a statement up for debate…haha!), so please don’t judge me on these questions that I have. For me, I have been wondering about the answers because I have heard mixed answers and I am very unclear about what is truth and what is not the truth.  I am wondering what you know or have heard on these topics to give me any insight or personal experience you may have.  I thought perhaps my blog would be the perfect spot to place my confusion.  With that, I will just hop to it.

Question one deals with my menstrual cycle and ovulation.  I’ve been thinking a lot about baby # 3 lately.  I know the chances of this happening naturally is only about 10% (although the statistics could have changed since conceiving K.  What hasn’t changed is time.  The time is now!).  Regardless, our chances are slim and we likely would need IVF w/ICSI again.  However, our doctor told us that he has seen miracles happen where couples have conceived naturally with that low of a percentage, so we will try our luck until we are at a place where enough is enough and need to make a decision about our next step.  With that said, I have not got my period back since before I was pregnant with K.  I have been told in the past that without a period you can not ovulate and without ovulating you can’t get pregnant.  However, I know of women and have heard stories of women who haven’t had their periods yet and have been surprised when they find out that they are indeed pregnant.  What is true and what isn’t true with this?  Could I still be ovulating without having my period or am I out until my period starts back up again?  I am so beyond confused.

Question two deals with breastfeeding and my period.  I’ve been beyond blessed to exclusively breastfeed K since she was born.  My supply has been amazing and in fact, although she’s been EBF, I still pumped just in case my supply for some reason dipped mid year.  Well, it never did and now we have two freezers full of milk, that if I am unable to use for her, will hopefully be able to donate to someone who is in need.  Now, I know it is a myth that breastfeeding is a form of birth control.  I don’t know why women think that they can’t get pregnant while they are breastfeeding.  This is simply not true.  You can get pregnant while breastfeeding; I just think the chances are more slim.  My question is, will I be more likely to get my period back though if I stop breastfeeding altogether?  My goal is to make it to one year like I was able to do with my first and I do not intend to stop until K is ready to (or her teeth get the best of me like with E, ouch!).  My concern is that by breastfeeding, I am prolonging my period to stay at bay and therefore delaying more “trying naturally” time.  Time is of the essence as all of us who deal with secondary infertility know.  I am 33 and so close to that 35 year mark where, if I need IVF, things get more complicated and more expensive at 35.

Right now, that’s a wrap for Wondering on Wednesday.  I’d love, love, love to hear your thoughts on these questions/topics.  If you feel you have an advice for me I am open to that as well.