Today, I’d like to reflect back to almost two years ago (February 2016) to a very profound time in my life. Never will I ever forget this time because my husband & I were starting our very first IVF cycle. It was such a whirlwhind! The array of emotions that we felt during this time are ones I will never forget. How could I ever forget these feelings when this was such a significant part of our lives? There are days now, that time just feels so surreal.
Even so, those emotions are also ones that are also hard to portray fully to you. It is especially hard for me to make you fathom even the slightest amount of the depth of what was going on in my mind, body & heart then. It was such an overwhelming, scary, stressful, no chance to catch our breaths, nerve-wracking, risky, faith-testing, confusing, anxious, hopeful, exciting time in our struggle with infertility.
If it’s something you never went through first hand yourself, can you really even try to truly imagine or begin to know what we went through? I certainly do not expect you to. However, those that have, I really don’t even need to explain with words because you would know exactly what I am talking about with just a single look. For me, I have those moments where I, even though I will never forget those feelings, look back now and it feels so ironic how that time in our life can sometimes feel so blurred. I often think to myself that sometimes God doesn’t want us to remember every thing and blurs parts out as a way to help hold you up and giving energy to help sustain you to keep going.
One of the things I am thankful for is that during my time of struggle, I kept a handwritten journal during. Although, I didn’t write in it everyday, I captured some pretty raw moments in writing that I didn’t always post in my blog. When I decided to go back and open my journal today, to this time two years ago, I can feel just how nervous and scared and excited I was then. The ball of emotions was big and it was deep.
The thing I love most about my journal is some of the things I wrote to encourage myself then to keep me going, or things I would write to help me keep my faith. Reading those words now still brings me comfort and makes me smile. Alot of those comforting words are things I hope that my daughters will one day stumble across when they read my journal someday and are in a place in their lives where they need to hear these words too to feel comforted.
So today, wherever you are in your struggle with infertility or even any struggle or roadblock in your life in general, I want to share and throw-back these comforting words that I shared with myself in my journal a couple years ago as I embarked the beginning of my IVF journey. These words bring me peace and comfort today even and serve as a reminder that everything is going to be ok. I hope you find comfort in them too.
“You are right where you are meant to be. Everything is unfolding exactly as it should. Your job is to BREATHE, be kind to YOURSELF and quietly do what needs to be done.” -Author Unknown